Reservoir Editors

This morning, Fleet Street’s editors met to discuss the Leveson Report over breakfast.  Here is what was said, as scripted by Quentin Tarantino…

MR. DACRE
Let me tell you what the Leveson Report is about.  It’s all about a judge who digs us a hole beacuse is he is a big dick.

MR. RUSBRIDGER
No, it ain’t. It’s about an industry which is very vulnerable.  We’ve fucked up a few times, and then we have a Lord Justice who’s very sensitive.

MR. MORAN
Whoa! whoa…time out Gruaniad. Tell that fucking bullshit to the Tories.

MR. DACRE
The Leveson is not about some sensitive lawyer who writes a nice report. That’s what Calcutt was about. Granted, no argument about that.

MR. HARDING
Which one’s Calcutt?

NICE GUY MACKENZIE
You ain’t heard of Calcutt? It was a big ass hit for our predecessors. I don’t even follow that privacy law shit, and even I’ve heard of Calcutt.

MR. HARDING
Yeah, so – I ain’t saying I ain’t heard of it. You know; all I asked is how did it go. Excuse me for not being the world’s biggest privacy law fan.

MR. DACRE
You guys are like making me lose my train of thought here. I was saying something. What the fuck was I talking about?

MR. MORAN
You said Calcutt was about a sensitive lawyer who meets a nice industy, but Lord Justice Leveson was a big dick.

MR. DACRE
Ok. Let me tell you what Leveson’s about. It’s all about this Inquiry which is a regular fuck the press machine. I’m talking morning, day, night, afternoon– dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick.

MR. HARDING
How many dicks is that?

MR. MORAN
A lot.

MR. DACRE
Then one day Leveson meets this Daily Mail motherfucker, and it’s like, whoa, baby…

(With apologies.)