In Moulmein, in lower Burma, I was hated by large numbers of people – the only time in my life that I have been important enough for this to happen to me.
George Orwell, Shooting an Elephant
Over at The Lawyer, I have done a semi-ironic post on how to lose Twitter followers. I lose hundreds of followers a week. Almost all of these are silent un-follows as tweeters move on to more interesting tweeters to follow. But a few don’t. They want to tell you just why they are un-following you. And it is these sort of people I would like to write about.
I have always had a knack for annoying people. Most of the time it is unintended. However, it was only when I started blogging and tweeting that I became hated by large numbers of people. It is not the sort of thing a 40-something journeyman lawyer and freelance writer expects, and it is a rather strange phenomenon.
In particular, I often get abuse for being “arrogant” and “self-promotional”. The paradox here, of course, is that these very people are taking it upon themselves to publish their unsolicited views to others. Just as Gore Vidal said a narcissist is someone better looking than you, a “self-promoter” in social media seems to be someone whose views you read, when they don’t bother to read yours.
So what do you do when someone you know only through social media is boring, aggressive, rude, or so on?
Well, it seems to me there is no need to be consistent, just as you are not in “real life”.
It all depends on mood or context: sometimes you block, or ignore, or engage, or retaliate. But as in day-to-day dealings, how you deal with others can vary. There is no need to be consistent merely because you are on social media.
In this way, Twitter and other social media platforms are an on-line public square; you don’t walk in and stop in the very same place each time you enter it; and how you deal with others is whatever seems right to you at the time.
Some people seem to get a kick of being unpleasant. One weird person even has a list of those who have blocked them. Do a Twitter search for blocked me or unfollowed me and you will also see some of the most pathetic tweets ever posted.
You can take some people out of the playground; but you cannot take the playground out of some people. Even when it is now a public square.
But as social media ceases to be more distinctive, and integrates in to “mainstream” media and communications, it may be that all the unpleasantness will fall away. After all, people don’t seem to use mobiles on trains as often as they used to.
In the meantime, the approach I most admire is that of Isabel Fay.
Another approach is indifference. I have seen Louise Mensch scroll down abusive tweets just like flicking through pages in a telephone directory. She could not care less.
But for those who are not Isabel Fey or Louise Mensch, adverse personal comments sting and depress. They do hurt and upset. But the benefits of social media mean you just shrug, and keep buggering on.
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12 Responses to On being hated by tweeters.
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Sadly I’ve noticed you, in particular, on the receiving end of much bullying and attention seeking on Twitter. I guess it’s a feature of being well-known, but I find it really sad.
Jealousy has to be a primary motivation and I guess we can turn that into something positive: if people weren’t jealous because of a perceived talent of yours for writing and tweeting, they wouldn’t feel the need to express their dislike of you. They would be indifferent and silent.
I know from personal experience that one nasty comment can stick with me, whilst 100 pleasant ones are forgotten. Chin up – there are many thousands who find you informative, warm, kind, and interesting.
It’s quite a common experience amongst bloggers. Certainly very similar to my experience.
Both positive commenters and haters are projecting part of themselves onto you… Its the nature of having a public persona (there’s a clue some miss in your clearly stated role as media correspondent heheh)
The irony of those deriding your success/controversial statements and in being well known on social media can really be read as “which aspects of their own lives they feel you are not living up to”.
To me it’s all most amusing.
Some interesting thoughts here.
Well, it seems to me there is no need to be consistent, just as you are not in “real life”.
Nope. If you follow people for a long time, you find that they are consistent in themselves, and if you know them in real life, you can see how much their online personality and behaviour is influenced by their offline presentation. In real life, moods and circumstances vary, which means that different reactions get triggered. Considered over the long term, however, those reactions form characteristic patterns.
And you don’t just shrug and keep buggering on. Depending on how vulnerable the recipient is, these kinds of tweets can do real damage.
There’s a substantial literature on online nastiness (why, how, what) by now which suggests that this kind of problem won’t go away. This is not just jealousy. These are some of the nastier sides of human nature we are seeing here online.
In the end, different nooks and crannies of social media will evolve their own way of coping with this. While some people prefer to move in circles where biting, cynical and insulting tweets are de rigueur, others prefer more polite circles. This is where it becomes interesting to look at people’s social networks. For example, if one values politeness, one is more likely to stay away from tweeters who have an active coterie of bitchy and nasty followers.
Just wanted to let you know that I followed you briefly and found your tweets very informative – however, I unfollowed because you are very active and I can’t cope with a huge timeline! No criticism intended, btw, as all your tweets are interesting, but my time is limited ;) I will probably follow you again when other big legal stories arise that are of particular interest to me. All the best
There’s a wonderful spoof of ‘Fuck You’ by Cee Lo Green called ‘I Blocked You’ by DeStorm and the Gregory Brothers. It’s at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q0ey8r-nR6k. You’d like it :)
I myself don’t tweet, although I do blog sort of. I follow a simple principle, which is – me hating someone for their views (if within the limits of the law) even those contrary to my own views in a free democracy would be wrong. Me shouting and bawling at their opinions is unlikely to change their thoughts of the world around them.
Likewise, I have my own opinions that some will disagree with, and if they decide not to ‘follow’ because my views are contrary to their opinions, irrespective of the validity of my argument – so be it.
Having said that it’s important when someone does actually point out a major flaw in something you believe in you take notice.
P.S I usually find that those whom have lost the argument will normally try to drag you down to their own little world of insults and snide remarks. Me I just ignore them – they soon give up.
The corollary of all of this concern that surrounds social media might be to reflect upon those areas of life that we now take for granted and call “real”!
How routinely do we accept the gross insult of so much advertising and spin that assails us at every turn? Why should sundry politicians be at liberty to insult our intelligence as they frequently do? Why should we accept standards of communication from various authorities that treat us as little more than numbers in a system?
These are insults, abuses in fact, that are now so routine that we hardly blink. Perhaps we are now all Like Louise Mensch: scrolling through the layers of abuse and hatred; much of which, by the way, is perpetuated by adherents to her ideology of capitalism. No, this isn’t a cry of “eye for an eye”, but simply an attempt to draw a broader context.
Maybe the abuse that we see on social media is a wake up call for us all i.e. for the minutiae of all our interactions.
I was thinking of this post as I walked my dog this morning, only to realise that I had inadvertently ‘blanked’ a person who on a previous occasion had tried breaking the ice with me (yet another time when I was too distracted). No doubt he left with the impression that I really am such an aloof @&*^%. !
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I found this post very interesting – and it happens to be the first blog I’ve ever wrote on. The comment regarding Louise Mensch was interesting at the bottom – I am guilty of sending her a few tweets yesterday, and I was honest in telling her that those tweets were a rare moment of frustration.
However, being a 20 year old working class member of society, I am fairly passionate and naive about the world around me.. And one sided opinions on twitter will always cause frustration – especially from people in places of authority and experience.
My comment to Louise was simply that she ignored all the good that Julian Assange has uncovered – and focused her 140 characters on negativity. In all honesty, this isn’t so much a problem with social media – but twitter. As the CIA explained – Facebook offers an alphabetical list of all your friends, pictures of you and your friends with geo-tagged locations, lists of your family, relationships etc etc.
And the millions of pounds spent on analyzing twitter proved worthless – no beneficial information came from it – only biased, narrow opinions (combined with jokes and song lyrics lol) – and this is why I feel the ‘respected’ members of society who are higher up the pyramid, should be a little more careful in there opinions – and possibly offer positive tweets as opposed to constant streams of negativity, which further creates negative thoughts and replies..
Anyway – just my two cents, plus I felt guilty for sending her a few tweets in capital letters lol!
David, don’t get downhearted because I suspect there are plenty of folk like myself who are not on twitter but I count you as one of my top 5 most interesting and inspiring writers of today. So we silent majority are not on twitter shouting down the detractors but we are out here nonetheless.
Just ignore them a la Mensch. All twitter really shows is the ugly and vocal face of ignorance which has always been present but previously largely unseen in public discourse.
This modern phenomenon comes as a surprise to writers etc on twitter who are often psychologically ill equipped or inexperienced to handle it. But if you could talk to high profile politicians a century ago they would be very familiar with this exposure to uncouth and ignorance.
So please maintain your resolve and CARRY ON. You are inspiring.
hiss him in scorn – shakespeare’s insults, there will always be ***** don’t let them get you down, and remember, at the start of each day, to, have a great day, !) be yourself – there are a loads of us out here reading your blog and not commenting!) so hey, have a great day!